Shock ending to Game of Thrones isn’t actually a shock

Just in case you live in a cave and haven’t yet been bombarded on social media about the “shock” ending to the 5th season of Game of Thrones, please read no further. If, on the other hand you have, then please continue to read.

Game of Thrones

The cast’s general reaction to your surprise.

And by read, what I mean is, GO AND READ THE FUCKING BOOKS, PLEASE!

Worldwide media has been left flabbergasted by the sudden death of lead character Jon Snow during the final episode of the fifth season of Game of Thrones. Those of us who are still able to read actual books have known since A Dance with Dragons was published in 2011 that Jon Snow would indeed be killed by members of the Night’s Watch, although the circumstances were slightly different (after allowing the wildlings south of the wall he leads them in an attack against Ramsay Bolton in the misguided belief that doing so will save Arya, who isn’t there, although he doesn’t know that, but anyway it’s violating his oath to the Night’s Watch)

The illiterati were out in force with comments such as “Betrayed by HBO!” and “I’m cancelling my subscription” and “I will never watch another episode again!” – the same people who continuously sneer at those of us who keep saying things like “well, that was always going to happen because it’s in the fucking book”.

Seriously, saying Jon Snow’s death came as a shocking surprise is somewhat equivalent to watching the movie Titanic and being overcome with despair at the sight of the majestic boat sinking. Did you imagine it was a Hollywood stunt? Was there a different studio pitch you wanted to hear?

See – what happens is that the Titanic hits an iceberg, right, but it’s not an Iceberg like a mountain of ice, it’s an iceberg lettuce, so there’s no damage to the ship, they arrive safe and well in New York, the English bird – Kate wossname – can get her knockers out again and they all live happily ever after…

No! Whilst there was certainly some artistic license involved, especially when it came down to how much room was on that bit of wood that Rose didn’t want to share with Jack, the Titanic was always going down! Similarly, whilst there have been some creative departures between the books and the TV series – mostly to eliminate unnecessary waffle, which George RR Martin does at great length – whole chapters in some cases – towards the end of book 5, A Dance with Dragons, Jon Snow dies.

If you’d ever bothered to read this then you would know that it was always going to happen. It’s not a shock, it’s been right there in print for FOUR YEARS. Furthermore, if you have been paying attention, there’s a very strong probability that HE’S NOT DEAD. Well, at least, not permanently dead. It’s very possible that he’s not the bastard son of Eddard and Katelyn either – in fact he may well be more closely related to Daenerys Targaryen than the Starks.

To summarise, unashamedly bastardising (haha, geddit?) the shows most popular quote: if you haven’t read the books, then you know nothing about Jon Snow.