Man continually losing cups in house finds roommate was f**king them

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The poster to social site Reddit wrote “The cups in our house keep disappearing. Turns out my roommate has been fucking them” before posting this image.

cup fucker
Spongy.

Dear internet, you’d probably thought you’d heard it all, didn’t you? Well gather around for the story of “cup fucker”. Reddit user igotthejack posted the above photo, explaining how he discovered the cup when stopping home for lunch. The spongy labia (rough side out of course) fixed into the see-through cup just so you could see the semen congealing at the bottom of the glass. How many times have I drunk from that?

Interestingly enough “cup fucker”, his housemate was also a Redditor and decided he would “own” the situation and meet his new found infamy head-on by posting his side of the story:

“Alright guys. Cup fucker, here. This has been a pretty interesting day to say the least. I am using my real account because, fuck it – I fucked a cup, I’ll just own it.

For a those who want the story. I have been experimenting with sex quite a bit recently. I met a girl on tinder who is very open minded, and so far has asked me to do some pretty obscure stuff. She came over late the other night, she smoked some weed – I didn’t partake as I have been trying to quit (fuck you room mate, I didn’t smoke with her!)

Anyways, said girl was pretty giggly and stoned. We were fooling around a bit when she told me she was on her period. I said I didn’t care – because hey, apparently I have the ability to fuck cups. Why would I care about a little blood? She said it was particularly heavy today and just didn’t feel comfortable with that. But she did ask if I had a fleshlight she could watch me masturbate with. I obviously did not…

Never one to miss an opportunity, I remembered something I’d seen on 4chan some years ago. I had actually tried to construct one of these crude vagina cups when I was a teenager. I used condoms instead of cling wrap. But they kept breaking so I never actually achieved penetration. We both set off to make the glorified fleshlight. Her laughing the entire time, and me… To be frank, I was actually pretty excited. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, so masturbating in front of an attractive young woman is something I particularly enjoy. When consensual of course. I guess you know where it goes from here. I fucked the cup whilst she watched closely. She had a little turn of maneuvering it, but in the end decided she preferred just watching.

The white substance you see in the cup is actually Nivia moisturising lotion. We didn’t have any real lubricant. Anyone who has masturbated with lotion can attest that it doesn’t stay lubricated long. Tends to draw into your skin, as is its given purpose. It has been sitting under my bed for the last two days, awaiting it’s inconspicuous escape. In the interest of full disclosure I didn’t finish in the cup. I finished on her face. Also a first for me. I guess you could say it was a pretty good night. I did not reuse the cup, not sure I could bring myself to do that.

For the record. I respect my friend way way to much to ever let him eat or drink from something I had done that too. I’m not a psychopath, it would not benefit me to know he was drinking from something I’d fucked. Even if he does piss me off sometimes… He is a fantastic mate, who has helped me out a lot over the years. He was understandably pissed off when he discovered what this thing actually was. He had picked it up and brought it to the kitchen before realising. I have since apologised for him having to see and touch that. I bought him some almond chocolate to make it up to him, but something tells me a bottle of nice whiskey would be more appropriate.

I’m sure he needs it to forget, if that is even possible.

10/10 would fuck cup again.”

Well, put it like that and it sounds perfectly sane?

The Editor

I wish it was satire.