Woman starves to death attempting ‘sunlight only’ diet

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No, it’s not a hoax. The movement, called ‘Breatharianism’, professes that the human body can be sustained with no food or water, just sunlight.

breatharianism
“This seems logical.”

The currently unnamed Swiss woman was found dead in her home after attempting the controversial ‘sunlight only diet’.

Spurred on by the 2010 film, ‘In the Beginning There Was Light’, in which yogi Prahlad Jani claims to have lived for 70 years without food or water, the woman’s cause of death was ruled to be starvation.

Unfortunately, this is not the first reported death linked with the controversial Breatharianism movement and it unlikely to be the last. Wiley Brooks is the founder of the ‘Breatharianism Institute of America’ which he tried to introduce to the world in 1980. Wiley has currently stopped teaching the art to, “devote 100% of his time on solving the problem as to why he needs to eat some type of food to keep his physical body alive”.

Rather than do some basic research on human anatomy, Wiley has produced a theory of “four major deterrents” from his own volition. He states there are four things that prevent people from living without food: “people pollution”, “food pollution”, “air pollution” and “electro pollution”.

Oddly enough, Wiley himself has been spotted on several occasions eating from fast-food restaurants. That’s fine though, according to Wiley who explains that he periodically breaks his fasting with a cheeseburger and a cola, explaining that when he’s surrounded by junk culture and junk food, consuming them adds balance.

Going a little more into the, ‘science’ of it all, Mr. Brooks explains that cows are fifth-dimensional (or ‘higher’) beings and mankind can also achieve this higher status by converting three-dimensional food to five-dimensional food (known as ‘beef’ to you and me).

In what may be a rather suspect link, on his personal website Brooks claims that McDonald’s Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese meals have a special “base frequency” and are recommended for amateur breatharians.

burger child
A child, seen here preparing for inter-dimensional travel. Probably.

In a perplexing continuation of his support for the fast-food chain, Brooks also goes on to claim that Diet Coke is “liquid light”.

Now, for those that are gagging to learn how to live without food (or without food but with apparently fairly common McDonald’s meals), you’ll be glad to know that the Brooks Institute still runs ‘Immortality workshops’.

If you’re stumped for cash, you might need to check behind the sofa, as these workshops cost $1,000,000,000. On the plus side, the deposit is only $10,000 and if you do manage to stop eating food, you probably won’t have to ever pay the rest.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, the site specifically says “NO REFUNDS”.

The Editor

I wish it was satire.