Stephen Hawking confirmed as Glastonbury act


Professor Stephen Hawking has been confirmed for Kidzfield, Glastonbury appearing alongside Mr Yipadee and his four legged friend Wonky Donkey.

Stephen Hawking
Appearing at a festival near you

World-revered professor Stephen Hawking, brought into the limelight for his books such as A Brief History of Time and the layman’s A Briefer History of Time, as well as, oh yeah, being one of the greatest scientific minds of our time, will be filling the heads of children with mind-blowing shit this year at Glastonbury.

When reported, usually serious commenters on The Guardian newspaper pried themselves from their Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream machines to make comments such as:

“He’s doing music in the acoustic tent…….Stephen Hawking ‘Unplugged'”


“Could he download an autotune patch for his computer and duet with Kanye?”

If we’ve learnt anything from comics and movies, it’s don’t mock the really smart scientist, that’s how super-villans happen and world-ending death rays get built. Pricks.

The Editor

I wish it was satire.