65 things men said to spectacularly ruin a first date

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We asked the women of Reddit to give us quotes from men that ruined first dates they had been on. Beware, some serious creep and cringe is within.

men-dating-quotes

1) “I know you have pets but I really don’t like animals, so if we get serious you’ll probably need to give them away.”

Submitted by snapkangaroo

 

2) “I think your job sound kinda cool but have you ever considered doing something sexier or more compatible with being a mother, like being a nurse or a teacher?”

Was his response to me telling him I’m an insolvency lawyer.

Submitted by aitchbee

 

3) “The educational system is really fucked up. Teachers get paid way too much money, and most kids should be homeschooled.”

I’m a teacher.

Submitted by MuppetManiac

 

4) “I don’t believe electricity really exists.”

Submitted by UnicornMeatTaco

 

5) “I’m going to jail on Thursday for 6 months, because I left the scene of an accident.”

I pressed him further. Last year he hit a woman who was j-walking and he killed her, then fled the scene.

In his defense:

“…she was just a drunk prostitute.”

WTF

Submitted by Clamjammy

 

6) “I think reading fiction is a massive waste of time.”

I read a lot. Someone not reading much is not a deal breaker itself, but that attitude sure was.

Submitted by firefawkes23

 

7) “You haven’t fucked a nigger, have you?”

That’s just the direct quote I remember, before that he was talking about how any woman that’s slept with a black guy is “ruined.” WOW nopenopenope Fuck that shit! There was no the rest of that date, let alone a second one!

Submitted by Codegirl

 

8) “So, do you wax? I don’t sleep with women with natural bush, just so you know. I’ll tolerate a landing strip but nothing more.”

At this point we have been on our first date for about ten minutes. The guy and I had initially met at my favorite coffee shop and I eventually had to find a new favorite because he kept harassing me when he’d find me there.

Submitted by KvetchBetch

 

9) “I enjoy making feminists angry”

Submitted by BlueBerryJazz

 

10) “I spent a month in jail in Palestine because this girl accused me of raping her.”

He then ordered for me, tried to feed me, got mad at me when I ate the crab cake off our appetizer because he wanted some (moments before he told me he was extremely allergic to crab.)

Submitted by Piewhackit

 

11) “I believe the man should call all the shots in a relationship, don’t you?”

I excused myself to the bathroom, sneaked out to my car and left.

Submitted by Kemokiro

 

12) “When a woman asks ‘did you miss me’ it feels like I’m getting raped” and “I love my sister and my mother but I don’t respect them.”

Were part of a several minute monologue about the role of women in his life.

Submitted by al_pha_bet

 

13) “Have you ever had a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes? I can buy you some tomorrow, if you want.”

This was a first date, and the guy was trying to buy me $800 shoes to try to impress me. No.

Submitted by sprinklecone

 

14) “Oh wow, there’s that girl from my calc class! She’s so hot!”

We were at a campus coffee shop.

Submitted by albino_oompa_loompa

 

15) “So, sex is on the table tonight right?”

He sent me this before I left home to meet him. I didn’t leave home.

Submitted by holdmybeer87

 

16) “My ex had a Siamese cat. I hated that thing. I wanted to drop kick it to the next room.”

My username is true.

Submitted by catdoctor

 

17) “What are you, some kind of feminazi?”

Was his response to telling him I work in a rape crisis centre

Submitted by AtTheEolian

 

18) “Are those tits real?”

We met at a restaurant. I thought he was a gentleman because he pulled my chair back for me as I sat down. I can count on one hand how many times this has happened.

That was the first thing out of his mouth.

I was so shocked by the question that my mind went blank and I became sick to my stomach.

I gave a false laugh and than excused myself to go to the ladies room. I could not go out the front door because he would have seen me leave so went out the emergency door setting off an alarm but I was so upset I did not care and just ran to my car.

Submitted by Katies_Stilettos

 

19) “If men and women were truly equal, women would need to fight for equality”

Submitted by summer_shoestrings

 

20) “It looks kinda rape-y here.”

As we are walking through a park at night. Then he preceded to tell me how he didn’t get why rape was a big deal and that he didn’t think he’d mind being raped.

That was a weird walk home.

Submitted by vielco

 

21) “Wow. This is the longest I’ve talked to a woman in the two years since my divorce”

This was 45 minutes into the date.

Submitted by laughingcow2012

 

22) “So….I heard you have a black belt. Does that mean that if I try and date rape you tonight that you could kill me?”

Submitted by P_Grammicus

 

23) “Do you always drink on a first date. Do you have a drinking problem?”

This was after he “splurged” and took me to a Red Robin.

Submitted by Oaeneo

 

24) “Don’t worry, your daughter probably isn’t really a lesbian. It’s probably just a phase.”

Submitted by laughingcow2012

 

25) “Oh you like cooking? I hate it with a passion. My mum’s been doing all of mine. Never, ever, ever.”

First date, within 5 minutes of sitting down. Verbatim. Excused myself at the end and made my own way home.

Submitted by Dr_Cortex

 

26) “I do everything ironically, irony is the highest form of cleverness…”

Submitted by decaydence

 

27) “I like to do cocaine and MDMA sometimes. But don’t worry, I don’t have that addictive personality. I can stop whenever I want.”

Submitted by liftinggirl

 

28) “You see that chick? The really hot, fit one over there? Why don’t you try harder to look like her?”

Submitted by kthulhu89

 

29) “I have a lot female bosses. It really annoys me, I work in IT so I really don’t like women telling me what to do”

That wasn’t even the worst part of the date.

Submitted by Boleyn278

 

30) “The moon landing was a hoax.”

Submitted by yogurtmeh

 

31) “At least I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong name…”

Is what the the guy said when we went back to my place for make outs. I had the same name as his ex-girlfriend.

Submitted by undertheaurora

 

32) “I’m going to be an asshole to you until you prove that I shouldn’t be.”

He wound up looking up my home phone number and complaining to my dad that I wouldn’t go on a second date with him. Dad won.

Submitted by thetrishwarp

 

33) “You mentioned you love your job… So are you going to be one of those wives who makes your husband stay home and do all your housework while you pursue a career?”

Submitted by frankly_birdie

 

34) “Do your friends or family know where you are? Like, if I brought you to a warehouse, would they know?”

And he seemed surprised I wouldn’t let him drive me home.

Submitted by Kaleyedoskopic

 

35) “I’d be okay with meeting him, but I wouldn’t approve of his decision to be gay”

He then starting quoting Bible verses. K.

Submitted by toritxtornado

 

36) “I was busy getting shot at and she (the ex-wife) was here getting hooked on drugs”

That was followed shortly by:

“It’s like every girl I’ve been with tells me how hard it is to move on after me. They all say I’m just so different from other guys”

It was one of many red flags. Every girl was talked about like they were just a horrible person for letting him go.

Submitted by thebosslady001

 

37) “Oh, thank god, I was afraid you’d be fat!”

Was the first words when seeing me.

Submitted by xyxyxy_

 

38) “You’re probably cold because you’re menstruating.”

Sitting on chilly sitting outdoor patio on the first (only) date

Submitted by bear_sherriff

 

39) “Wow, you’re really smart! I’ve only dated stupid girls. So how many dates until smarties put out?”

Submitted by DandelionFire

 

40) “This one looks like you. This one, too, but your boobs look bigger.”

After pulling out an iPad and showing me erotic pictures of busty blonde white girls on our first date.

Submitted by Moritani

 

41) “I live in a wing of my parents house. It’s cool though, I like it and I don’t plan to move anytime soon.”

He was in his upper 30s.

Submitted by fyred_up

 

42) “I mean, bros before hoes, you know?”

This was literally my first online dating experience EVER – super early on…like, late 90s. No profiles the way we have them now.

Submitted by freckledcupcake

 

43) “I’ve actually never heard any criticism about Scientology. I found them incredibly easy to leave.”

Submitted by iliketetris

 

44) “You don’t really want to have a career, do you?” (Shakes his head no) “You want to be a stay-at-home-mom.” (Nods his head yes) he followed that up by muttering “Mmmm, temptations of the flesh” as he eyes me up and down.

Excuse me while I go shower after the mere memory of it.

Submitted by Doc_Skydive

 

45) “You know, I know how I could kill you, but keep you alive still”

Submitted by frankenboobehs

 

46) “Next time we do this, it should be a threesome.”

Him during post-coital pillow talk.

Submitted by Mooniluna

 

47) “Men’s penises have taste buds. The Chinese have known it and done studies on it for centuries. It’s true but the western world hides that information. That’s the reason so many men get cheat, they get tired of tasting the same pussy and seek other pussies. But don’t worry, I don’t cheat.”

Submitted by tenelka3001

 

48) “Maybe the reason I’m making you uncomfortable is because you’ve never known what it’s like to be dated by a real man before.”

Submitted by sweadle

 

49) “I mean, me and the guys in law school are all there just trying to get our power on, but like, what are you girls doing here?”

Yup

Submitted by whiskey_clit

 

50) “My fiance, I mean ex-fiance…”

The rest of the sentence didn’t matter.

Submitted by caitalinnnn

 

51) “Oh don’t worry. Your personality is just a phase. I think I can deal with it until you grow up and match that of someone more mature like myself.”

Submitted by lumbergriff

 

52) “I want to be a police officer so I can carry a gun.”

Submitted by sbsb27

 

53) “I kinda want to fuck the shit out of you because you’re half-Jewish. Is that weird to sat because I’m half-German?”

Submitted by moniqua_hush

 

54) “I’m only 25 and own 3 businesses I hate poor people, if I can do it so can they”

Submitted by crustybakedgoods

 

55) “–oh, don’t worry I know what you want. I know this is a pretty big decision for your tiny lady brain”

Submitted by peppermintChip

 

56) “Wow, you’re really pale. Have you considered tanning?”

Submitted by Leevamealowen

 

57) “I should be upfront with you: I was in jail for some time. Nothing serious, just armed robbery.”

Nothing serious.

Submitted by look_who_it_isnt

 

58) “I bet you would look great pregnant!”

No joke. The guy had black decaying lines around his teeth, smelled like mould and had the most annoying voice I had ever heard. How deceiving Tinder can be..

Submitted by StarlistCanvas

 

59) “You’d vote for a woman president, wouldn’t you.”

He scoffed

Submitted by oywiththepoodle

 

60) “It’s funny, we are sitting at the exact same spot that my ex and I sat at in this restaurant”

He choose the restaurant, and the seats….WTH?

Submitted by StarGalactica

 

61) “Don’t you think that dress is a little short?…”

Submitted by bunnehlu

 

62) “Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone was androgynous and we just couldn’t tell what gender someone was until we were about to have sex? It’s, like, the feminist ideal!”

You, my friend, don’t understand feminism.

Submitted by Jeska_the_Barbarian

 

63) “Hey, A cups!.. Hey! A cups!” [no response] “that was just a joke, it’s from a movie. Anyway, don’t worry, I’m more of an ass man.”

Then later, when I was noticeably uncomfortable: “is this because I called you A cups earlier? I know they’re really B cups.” Wtf. That just creeped me out more, because that’s my correct cup size and how long were you staring at my chest to figure that out??

Submitted by rjtten

 

64) “Men should be the head of their households.”

Noped the fuck right out of there.

Submitted by atouchofyou

 

64) “When I was homeless, I was a god. Like a true God.”

Submitted by mintjulip

 

65) “I don’t like Filipinos.”

I’m Filipino.

Submitted by whiskey_clit

The Editor

I wish it was satire.