These police e-fits are so rubbish it’s amazing they catch anyone

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He looks more like a wide-mouthed frog than a wanted man. Or Cherie Blair. But this is just the latest crappy e-fit issued by police this week that has raised serious questions about their aristic talent.

This is, in fact, a distraction burglar wanted in Northamptonshire in the UK for robbing a 95-year-old woman, who presumably was a little short-sighted because there is no way she saw a bloke with a mouth like this.

northamptonshire-police-wide-mouth-e-fit
Joker: Is this Batman’s enemy, or is he hiding the old dear’s handbag in his mouth?

However, cops in Northamptonshire can rest easy in the knowledge that the big-mouthed master criminal is not the worst e-fit we’ve seen. Here are 10 really rubbish ones that defy belief:

1 Let’s face it, Norfolk is known for being home to some odd-looking characters, but this fella takes the biscuit. With a brush under his nose, his weird eyes and silly-shaped face, it’s no wonder he turned to a life of crime…

norfolk-police-e-fit
Norfolk ‘n’ way

2 Police in Hampshire created this picture in a rather fruitless attempt at catching a distraction burglar of their own. Unfortunately, owing to some technical difficulty, they produced an image of a wanted man with green hair, making it look like he had a lettuce on his head…

lettuce-e-fit
Salad days: lettuce hope this bloke was soon caught

3 Officers of the Royal Thai force in Thailand were keen on finding this robbery suspect. Presumably they thought no facial features at all were required to identify him – or maybe there really is a bloke there wandering about with masking tape over a gimp mask? Perhaps he’s been to one of your parties…

royal-thai-police-e-fit
Hopefully he had only one leg to make identification easier

4 We can only think that police in Bolivia had some local school children in for work experience when they produced this “artist’s” impression of a man wanted for murder. Yet incredibly they tracked down not one, but TWO suspects based on the image of something that looked like a scarecrow. They must have some very strange-looking people in Bolivia…

bolivian-police-e-fit
Scarecrow: this murderer was caught, and so no out standing in his field

5 This man was wanted by London’s Scotland Yard for holding up a security van at gunpoint. With eyes that scary, and oddly wearing a dustbin lid on his head, he didn’t need a gun…

scotland-yard-e-fit
Surprise! This armed robber has just seen how ridiculous he looks in a mirror

6 Now this one is really creepy. Here we have an actual police e-fit of a woman with a bald head. That can’t be right, can it? It must be a man who looks very much like a woman. Whatever, if the witness couldn’t tell, how are we supposed to know? Anyway, this PERSON was wanted in Florida for attempted kidnapping…

man-woman-e-fit
Man, I feel like a woman: Shania or Mark Twain? You decide

7 It’s beyond us how police could even believe for one second that anyone could look like this…

weird-head-e-fit
This image is a crime against humanity

8 The famous case of missing Madeleine McCann, who disappeared from her holiday apartment in Portugal, is no laughing matter. But local cops thought this sketch of a faceless man might help in the early days of their investigation. It didn’t…

early-madeleine-mccann-e-fit
Blank faces all round: police still have no clues to Madeleine’s 2007 disappearance

9 This guy is listed as a battery suspect — US speak for assault. However, we think he looks nothing like a human and could indeed be suspected of being a battery…

battery-suspect-e-fit
Man on battery charge has nothing to be positive about

10 And finally, our favourite, although not strictly a bad e-fit. is this moment when a US news anchor read out a story about a wanted rapist and, well, judge for yourself…

news-anchor-e-fit-rapist
TV news reader feels the heat

The Editor

I wish it was satire.